dissolve magically absurdly they'll end leave dissipate coldly and strangely return

i've been taken advantage of my whole life
because i work too hard
and do to much
and don't ask enough for it in return.

love is watching someone die

the colors are vivid, but no one else can tell.

i snap the photo with a slow smile while relishing in my secret:
the image, the moment, the picture is recorded twice, but the color is only in my head. black and white ends up on the printed picture, the finished product, the image i want the world to see, but i keep all the colors in the file in my memory.
they are mine
mine
MINE.
the closer they are to my heart, the brighter they are.
i don't like sharing.


but mostly i'm afraid of diluting them, the more i share them out. it's too important to take that chance.


i don't know what i would do if those bright hues were lost for good

first watch

i saw a sunset today. through the slats of wooden blinds next to the corner cupboard, between the silhouettes of the other buildings in the parking lot and the mountains in the distance. i wished i had a better view and my nice film camera. the colors were wild: smoky reds and bright oranges and dry yellows. they didn't blend together like normal sunsets. the clouds in the sky divided the colors into little stripes and swirls in the triangle that i could see. against the brown of the mountains in my view, and contrasted with the colorless settings of the sun that usually take place, the scene was breathtaking. the heavens illuminated in a quick and bright burst of stain. it transported me to a brighter place, somewhere more alive, more magical. i was electrified. i wanted to run out into the street in bare feet and shout nonsense to the birds. all the colors in the room were suddenly as dull as dirt, and i looked back out my window to the radiance of the end of a day.
impatient summons called me from my reverie, and by the time i could take another break from my work the color had gone, leaving only shadows. and when i finally got to leave, the sky was black, and i drove home in the dark.